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My step-son is a moron.

06-26-12 | 11:12 a.m.

Okay, so yeah - I figure anyone who used to read this is probably dead by now. Fine, that's a little dramatic. But probably anyone who reads it now wasn't reading it in 2005 or whenever the fuck I started this blog. Meaning, no one has knowledge of the characters in the sitcom that is my life or all the shit that came before this.

But, I gotta tell ya. I'm waaaay too lazy to recap. So, if you're new here try to keep up. And if you're old here, I'm glad you're not dead.

Junior Mafia, my step-son, has now reached the ripe old age of 24. He is married to a psychotic bitch who's penchant for drama and shit fits is legendary. They got married last September and I lost a five dollar bet because I was too optimistic in my estimation of how long it would take for him to get caught sticking his cock into something underage and get kicked out.

It only took 6 months. I gave him 9 but only because I thought by now the fucking kid would have gotten really good at lying to women. Wtf? He's literally not good at ANYTHING.

Anyway, he got kicked out and again, bets flew on how long it would take before the fight on Facebook they would most certainly have would turn into a dysfunctional lovefest and they'd get back together for rough sex and another chance to fuck it up.

And again I lost another bet. I gave him 6 weeks before the realization that she made all the money, had the vehicle and the apartment and supported his ass would hit him and he'd go crawling back to the women he publicly proclaimed was "the biggest mistake in my life - never fucking a crazy, psycho bitch from hell even if my dick would fall off if I didn't" in a status update on Facebook.

Now, I'm not sure if his dick did indeed fall off yet (it would be a public service, really, to every underage girl in Rhode Island and surrounding states) but it took him an astounding 12 weeks to go back.

I overestimated the freedom-factor he must have experienced the second his wife threw him out and his brain registered the pure joy of not being expected home at night. All that illegal pussy and only so much time before everyone he borrows money from closes their wallets.

You'd think I'd know better by now, but I ended up $10 in the hole to my husband and since I haven't worked in like 2 years, I had to give him a blowjob or be sentenced to home confinement for a weekend.

This economy sucks. I mean I still can buy stuff at home, like help with housework, with blowjobs but I'm too shy and innocent to try to buy groceries with blowjobs.

Also my husband would probably shoot me in the face with his 12-gauge.

Okay, fine, just a small recap so you can truly appreciate the kind of people I'm dealing with.

They knew each other for 8 weeks, dated for 6 weeks, before they got married.

They got married for the sole purpose of making it legal for him to live in her apartment with her young children and so he could get custody of one of his kids (the other has a restraining order against him).

The wife, who shall be henceforth nicknamed Cuntasaurus Rex, got pissed off at him shortly before they got married and hit him in the head with a half-full bottle of peppermint schnapps. (This is both an example of craziness and hilarioousness, I wish I'd seen it.)

C-Rex won the lottery shortly before they met. $90,000. It explains his attraction completely. She drives a piece of shit minivan with different colored fenders and lives in Section 8 housing. I can't be sure, but I think the money went to booze, drugs and manicures. It did not go towards bath soap for her children or her much-needed prescription anti-psychotic meds that I can tell. That is not for effect, she really is prescribed that shit.

Stay tuned, people, this is gonna get good. Oh yeah, btw...is Andrew dead or something? Cuz this website has looked exactly the same since I became a member 8 1/2 years ago. Which leads me to believe that Andrew is dead and all the gold membership money is going to his cat. Probably the cat ate his corpse. Poor Andrew.

I put the cool in ejacoolation - 08-17-14
STFU - 09-08-12
Be careful, people - 07-17-12
bow chicka bow wow - 07-03-12
Phoning it in - 07-01-12

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FYI: Rhode Island isn't an island. Stop asking me if I live on an island.
FYI: Rhode Island is not in New York State. That's LONG Island. WTF is wrong with you morons? Get a map.
FYI: Rhode Island is awesome. You can tell because that's where Family Guy is set. OBVI.
FYI: Rhode Island is smaller than Delaware but it is more epic. Proof? RI has 7 Amazing Superstore locations. Delaware has 0. VICTORY!!

The above has been a public service announcement. No one said the service is good around here.

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