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bow chicka bow wow

07-03-12 | 12:16 p.m.

Today is my 15th anniversary.

I am trying to secure myself some sweaty penetration for later on.

I began by getting up at the unholy hour of the morning that my husband rises for work. I made him coffee and, as he was enjoying that first sip, flashed him my tits. He smiled and latched on to one like a calf for a few delicious heartbeats.

I've been texting him filthy comments about what I'm going to do to him with my tongue every 30 minutes alternating with classic MySpace-style self-portraits of my junk.

I've managed to keep and hold his short attention span by use of mind-swaying repetition and shiny things that will keep his focus for more than 5 seconds.

By tonight...after we narrowly miss one another in a flurry of appointments and prior commitments...either he will be in a sexual frenzy ready to tear me the fuck apart.

Or I'll be masturbating next to an exhausted and snoring man.

For the love of penises and testicles, pray with me, people.

I hate locked diaries. It's like non-alcoholic beer.

That is all.

I put the cool in ejacoolation - 08-17-14
STFU - 09-08-12
Be careful, people - 07-17-12
bow chicka bow wow - 07-03-12
Phoning it in - 07-01-12


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FYI: Rhode Island isn't an island. Stop asking me if I live on an island.
FYI: Rhode Island is not in New York State. That's LONG Island. WTF is wrong with you morons? Get a map.
FYI: Rhode Island is awesome. You can tell because that's where Family Guy is set. OBVI.
FYI: Rhode Island is smaller than Delaware but it is more epic. Proof? RI has 7 Amazing Superstore locations. Delaware has 0. VICTORY!!

The above has been a public service announcement. No one said the service is good around here.

Beyonce's Ass. I like it.

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