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Phoning it in

07-01-12 | 9:58 a.m.

The Hubster recently confessed that he's not really interested in fucking as much as he used to be.

This is like telling a heroine junkie that you will no longer be providing drugs.

Last night he had sex on me.

Yes, you read that right, he had sex on me. When you love to fuck and your old man tells you his junk ain't got spunk anymore, you jump on that fucking thing every time it's remotely hard. And I tried. Sweet Baby Jesus, how I tried.

In the end, it was like a one-way ticket to nowheresville. He had sex on me. I had...well, I had time to think about what I needed from Wal-Mart.

The burning question, though, is whether or not that qualifies as "being intimate" for the purposes of my period-tracking android app. My husband has been sterilized for 15 years and I've had no reason to track my period or anything else for that matter for just as long, but the app is THERE. So I must track.

Also, it cracks me up when my phone buzzes and I look at it and there's a message from my period app warning me:

Don't get knocked up!

Don't worry, period-tracking app. Don't you worry your pink little icon off.

Who's got two thumbs and hardly gets laid by a sterile man?

> This Girl <

I put the cool in ejacoolation - 08-17-14
STFU - 09-08-12
Be careful, people - 07-17-12
bow chicka bow wow - 07-03-12
Phoning it in - 07-01-12

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